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Roxanne Pallett has detailed the suicidal feelings she experienced in the wake of her ill-fated Celebrity Big Brother appearance, in her first interview since taking time out from the spotlight.
Last year, Roxanne made headlines when she accused fellow CBB contestant Ryan Thomas of punching her “repeatedly” and “deliberately” in the ribs while they were in the house together.
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After choosing to leave the house of her own accord, Roxanne conceded that this had been an “exaggeration” on her part, and after facing a huge backlash, announced she was stepping down from her work commitments to “take time out and reflect on recent events”.
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Roxanne has now given her first interview in five months to The Sun, in which she discusses the aftermath of her time on CBB, and the dark period that followed.
“I’ve lost everything, and I lost myself,” she told the newspaper. “I’ve lost my career, my radio jobs, my life as I knew it, everything.”
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Revealing she “hit rock bottom” after CBB, Roxanne continued: “I don’t expect anyone to feel sorry for me, because it’s my fault, 100%. I take full responsibility.
“But like everyone who makes a mistake I just want to be allowed to learn from it and move forward because nobody can punish me more than me.”
Roxanne said that since her CBB experience, she’s been battling depression and post-traumatic stress disorder, and began EMDR and CBT treatment a month after leaving CBB.
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“There was no light at the end of the tunnel and I didn’t want to be here anymore,” she recalled. “I asked God to help me. I thought: everyone hates me so why am I here?
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“I just couldn’t get through a day, I had nothing and I had no one and it was all because I’d let things get out of hand. I’d ignored the signs that I needed help because I felt too proud. I only have myself to blame for that.”
Having had time to reflect, Roxanne added that she feels her behaviour in the CBB house was down to having not resolved past trauma in her life, such as a past abusive relationship, a devastating fire at her family home and a close friend taking her own life in 2009.
She said: “In my therapy time I’ve learned why I became so defensive which is how I reacted in the Big Brother house. I feared the worst, because the worst always happened.
“But that’s not an excuse, because Ryan didn’t create those traumas in my life - he didn’t deserve to be destroyed mentally and emotionally, in that moment it was just playful to him.
“How I felt in that moment in the Big Brother house was a build-up of fear and defensiveness and upset that I have carried for a long time. I felt things that weren’t happening.
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“It was such a blur, I can’t even comprehend it why I felt the way I did, but I didn’t maliciously make it up and I didn’t try to hurt Ryan deliberately. I can promise you that. I had been breaking down in the Diary Room for days before, I wish I’d left then.”
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Roxanne went on to say she has turned down TV opportunities since CBB, out of respect for Ryan, having recently denied claims she was looking for a “normal job” due a lack of offers within the entertainment industry.
The Sun also noted that Roxanne was not paid for her interview, and instead a donation was made to the mental health charity Back Onside.
After Roxanne left the house, Ryan was crowned Channel 5’s last ever CBB winner, and received a letter of apology from the former Emmerdale star.
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Unsurprisingly, CBB eventually became the TV show that sparked the most complaints to Ofcom, both for Roxanne’s behaviour in the house, as well as a racism scandal involving media personality and “Human Ken doll” Rodrigo Alves.
Useful websites and helplines:
- Mind, open Monday to Friday, 9am-6pm on 0300 123 3393
- Samaritans offers a listening service which is open 24 hours a day, on 116 123 (UK and ROI - this number is FREE to call and will not appear on your phone bill.)
- The Mix is a free support service for people under 25. Call 0808 808 4994 or email: help@themix.org.uk
- Rethink Mental Illness offers practical help through its advice line which can be reached on 0300 5000 927 (open Monday to Friday 10am-4pm). More info can be found on www.rethink.org.
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